How often do you complain about yourself….or openly say, or think to yourself that you don’t like something about yourself, or that you wish you hadn’t done something, or you’re too old, young, fat, thin, not clever enough?
All this is negative self talk, and you are soaking it all up, absorbing it, and it grows, it feeds itself, it self-seeds within you, the more you participate the more it grows ….
“Your body hears everything your mind says,” Naomi Judd
Imagine the effects if you continually spoke like this to a child, or to your partner, your friend, or to anybody else for that matter. You might even lose a few people who you really care about, because putting someone down all the time can be incredibly damaging. We know this, yet we do that to ourselves, all the time.
We complain about ourselves, not just about the way we look, or the way we dress, but emotionally too, we treat ourselves like a failure, we beat up on ourselves emotionally in so many ways, often without giving a thought to the consequences; maybe not even really realising that there are any consequences that actually matter.
Sometimes we are even mean to ourselves in jest, we do it in a jokative way, and think that its OK…but it has the same effect as doing it to someone else. It is negative self talk. Your confidence and self esteem suffer, and your need for validation from others grows too….
Ask yourself, how many times you’ve asked your friend, your Mum or someone else, if you look OK, or maybe said that you feel fat, and then asked if your dress, or trousers make you look fat?
You may have experienced looking at yourself in the mirror and thinking,” OMG I hate my nose“, or “Just look at that spot,” you may have said to yourself, “I feel like crap,” “I’m not clever enough, I’m too old to do that, I’ll need more ……to do that.”
All of these tags and labels are all emotionally damaging labels that drag your spirit down, make you feel less than you are and often make you feel incomplete as a woman, and as an individual.
- These labels and comments are consistently telling YOU that you are flawed
- That you are not enough
- That something is lacking in you
and you couldn’t be further from the truth – We tell ourselves that we’re:
- too fat
- too thin
- that we look a mess.
We deprive ourselves of food and things that we love, in order to try to rectify and repair what we don’t like, or what we think are imperfections about ourselves. We torture ourselves and treat ourselves badly to try and look the way we think we should look …
Instead, stop and ask yourself what you would say to your Best Friend if they said any of those things in front of you….How would you try to make them feel better about themselves? What would you advise them to do?
– That’s who you need to be – YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND –
You are in your body for a long time – and it takes care of you without you even thinking about it….Your heart beats to keep you alive, the blood flows around the veins to keep the oxygen circulating for you. Your body does an amazing job
Instead of focusing on the imperfections that you see when you look in the mirror, or feel when something doesn’t go the way you planned. Focus on the things that you do like…
- Think of kind and complimentary comments that others have given to you
- Think of how kind you can be to others
- Think of how your smile has often helped someone else smile
- Think of how much you love other people in your life
- Think of how helpful you have been to someone in some way
- Think of times when you have done well or even excelled
- Think of good things you have done and still do to take care of other people, yourself and your body. Everyday tasks, but important tasks, like feeding yourself, giving yourself water that replenishes your thirst and that helps keep your skin looking good.
- Think about times when you’ve felt happy, or when you’ve experienced fun
- Think about all the things that you love to do, and how you feel when you do them.
- Focus on your good choice and taste in, clothes, and food, your home or room decor.
- Think about how many tasks you get through in a day, this is not about your to do list, this is about getting up, cleaning your teeth, showering or bathing, brushing your hair, making yourself a drink, making and having breakfast, lunch or dinner, chatting with friends or colleagues.
- Think about your amazing contribution, everyday, that you may never have given yourself credit for.
Perhaps you said “thank you,” in the shop or supermarket when you bought your coffee, or a paper, or some tissues. You may have been the only person to have shown any appreciation to that person that day….Maybe you smiled at the child jumping in the puddle who was being scolded by its mother, or at the person who caught your eye on a busy street. You may have touched their heart and be the only smile they have received in weeks, or maybe your smile helped them to feel better because they were grieving or upset about something.
Maybe someone admired your shoes, or your coat, or even your smile, and you have no idea, but they saw you, and you impacted their day, or gave them a style idea, or they finally spotted the colour they wanted to wear for that special occasion coming up, and they saw you wearing it….
Maybe you helped someone and made them feel important just because you opened a door, or held it open for them.
Maybe you hugged your little one, or your grown up son or daughter this morning, or your mum, or your friend. You shared your love with them, you told them how much they meant to you, and you never said a word, your hug said it for you….
You are a special person who impacts a lot of people everyday.
- You buy products which helps numerous people have a job and take care of the people in their lives whom they love.
- You buy a book and you are helping someones dream come true
- You hug your dog or your cat, and you are sharing your love for another creature
- You admire a dress in the shop window, or artwork in the gallery, or the bouquets outside the florists, and you are appreciating someones creativity and acknowledging their worth
- You sigh at the beauty of the countryside or the sea in front of you, and you are sharing your appreciation and your gratitude for the beauty of our world.
Just by being yourself, and being a part of this world, you are such an important part of the whole thing we call life.
You are an important part of our world.
Everything you do impacts others in some way, in beautiful ways that you may never have even considered or thought of.
You are important, and generally speaking you would probably not be deliberately unkind to someone – So why be unkind to yourself?
… Take the challenge and for one week say,
- “NO,” to complaining about how you look
- “NO,” to calling yourself names when something doesn’t go the way you had planned
- “NO,” to beating yourself when you notice something you don’t like.
Do this for one week become your Own Best Friend
When you notice yourself saying, or thinking something mean to yourself, turn it around and say something good, or at least something that feels better – Remind yourself of the good that you have done today
Remember the list earlier in this post….They are the things we do in any given day without thinking about it, and the list could be much longer, it could go on for ever, I just picked out a few things we all do everyday
…..If you thought about your whole day what other things could you add to your list? Use this as your reminder when you cant think of anything kind or nice to say about yourself.…
For Example: If you’ve bought new shoes
- Admire them
- Take a selfie wearing them, or a photo of them in your room.
- Congratulate yourself on caring for yourself enough to give yourself this treat
- And remember how many people you will have helped, and impacted their lives just by buying them.
- Remember your appreciation of the person who served you….
- And feel the appreciation for the means to buy them.
- Think of how good it feels to live somewhere where you can easily travel to buy things and enjoy a coffee whilst your shopping.
- Think how wonderful it is that your car or the transport you used easily takes where you want to go
- and how good it is to live where we have good roads and shops filled with so many choices
….. You get the idea – this list could go on for ever too, there is so much to appreciate within any given day.
Give yourself a break and see how great you are, and how much you deserve kind words
Focus on what is working in your life and what you like about you —- Transform your thoughts about you in positive ways –
Sending You Love ‘Till Next Time
©elainewshaw 2017 All Rights Reserved