The beautiful blue sky I woke up to this morning immediately fed my heart, and the smile that I felt paint my face also brushed lovingly against my soul. An inward smile and the fluttering, like butterflies gently kissing my life and speaking their language of beauty and love I was instantly charged with happiness and committed to enjoying my day. The thankful thoughts and the inner gratitude filled my mind with loving thoughts and an expectation of joyful moments and love coming my way.
Then my gaze left the window and the sky beyond and I looked around the room that felt so barren and bare, I could see only cobwebs and broken boxes, the empty fireplace and my isolated cup so empty too, and the memories flooded back of a life of sorrow and hurt. Should I stay in that harsh and cold place or should I open the door and venture outside where the air is light and energised, and the birds sing and the trees rustle quietly in the breeze? The sky looked so inviting, so full of joy and happiness, and the colour so profound, it was clearly beckoning me to join those of its happy throng, but the quiet voice that haunted me, reminded me of what could ensue, of all the hidden foes beyond that don’t emerge until you can’t escape and then swallow your love and happiness and leave you back where its barren and cold and lifeless, all alone and isolated. I want to break free of the shackles and delve into the colours and the sounds so sweet, experience the smiles for more than a second and remember what it feels to be me. Instead the broken glass and crockery beckoned and the sounds of heavy feet above, I’d better get on and clear away for the danger lies in wait and if I flee for now I’ll have to face it upon my return. So the blue sky sits outside my life and I return my mind to my day, not of love and happiness but heavy clouds and what feels like hate. The smiles that hide the truth you see are all that’s left of me and I must try to carry on until the day that I can set myself free, and embrace the blue and then my clouds will be a welcome sight of white and the tears will be of joy that day instead of a thunderous sea.
These retrospective thoughts of a life once lived, of the loneliness and unhappiness once endured, but now twenty years on life is full of goodness and kind and happy thoughts that heal my heart, and smiles are felt and welcomed with a sense of gratitude so profoundly gentle yet so deep. Life is a wonderful venture, an adventure for the soul and just as the days come and go, the wounds move through the shadows that sometimes still appear when words and memories bring them forward to be embraced and loved until they need no more but settle as a part of a heart and a life so blessed and loved because they will always be a very precious part of me.
With Gratitude and Love
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©Elaine W Shaw2014|