Remember that if you have experienced the death of someone close it is important to give yourself time to mourn and move through YOUR grief, and there is no time limit on that. Everyone’s experience is their own and we all move through each stage differently expressing our emotions on the way differently too. There is no right or wrong and you may find that you have many different thoughts and emotions, some of which you may not have experienced before. It doesn’t matter if your loved one’s death was expected, that doesn’t mean that you won’t or shouldn’t feel deeply upset and lost or even feel helpless, you may feel ‘numb’ and lethargic and even appear unemotional, all those feelings are right if they are what you are experiencing, that’s what happening, it is YOUR experience. Don’t feel that you should be feeling the same way as you think others around you are feeling, you probably are it’s just that you are expressing it differently. The important thing is to take your time, we don’t just suddenly wake up one day and it is over, no we have to move through the experience, it is a journey and the destination is to feel find a sense of healing and to be able to accept the changes we have been presented with. I still experience days when I feel deeply sad and feel waves of unexpected grief, and even relive certain moments because for me the experience is still wrapped in a raw emotion, but those are lessening now. That doesn’t mean I am forgetting or that I love my Mother any less, on the contrary I still love my Mother deeply and the experience of feeling helpless to her suffering and then her death probably deepened that love profoundly. It is at this stage that we can sometimes start to feel a little guilty, as we become aware that things are improving and we notice that we laughed for a couple of seconds or even smiled, and we tell ourselves that we shouldn’t experience any happy thoughts or feelings, as if it’s disrespectful.
Developing positive thoughts can help you to refocus and rebuild, not just in your life long-term but your everyday being. When we grieve we often put ourselves last to nurture and comfort others around us, when we really need to be nurturing our own emotion, our own thoughts and our own hearts and minds. Positivity can help us to re-purpose, especially if we have been looking after someone for a long time and suddenly they are gone and we feel there’s nothing left.
Much of what I have discussed with you here has been primarily centred on grief brought about by death as within The Precious Tear but it is important to remember and to recognise that we also experience grief when important relationships end such as with separation and divorce.
There are lots of ways to introduce and develop positivity, or even just to set it motion again if it’s got a little lost in turmoil and upheaval or sadness, and some of the simple ways that we can do that can be found on these pages sometimes in the form of specific activities and affirmations such as those found on my resource page, and also ‘sprinkled’ within my blog posts and other writing. Just focus on what resonates with you.
Sending you love and light,
©Elaine W Shaw 2014